The Best Predictor of Divorce | Dr. John Gottman | Relationship Advice

What is the best predictor of divorce?

—Contempt is the best predictor of divorce in a marriage, and it also negatively affects immune functioning.
What is the antidote for contempt in a marriage?

—The antidote for contempt in a marriage is creating a culture of appreciation instead of criticism, understanding the mindset of a critic, and focusing on what's there rather than what's missing.
How does contempt affect immune functioning?

—Contempt negatively affects immune functioning in individuals.
What should couples focus on instead of criticism?

—Couples should focus on creating a culture of appreciation instead of criticism in their relationship.
What is the mindset of a critic?

—Understanding the mindset of a critic involves recognizing the tendency to focus on what's missing rather than what's there.

😡 Contempt is the best predictor of divorce and can be corrosive to both love and immune functioning.
🗣️ Criticism towards others is often a reflection of one's own self-criticism, causing a negative spillover effect.
🤔 "A habit of mind that people are applying everywhere: They're looking at themselves and saying, 'Oh yeah, you know you're not that smart, you're not that good, you know you don't deserve.'"
💔 The speaker implies that small actions or efforts in a relationship may not be enough to make a significant impact.
🗣️ Self-dialogue plays a significant role in shaping one's perception of self-worth and can affect interactions with others.
💔 The best predictor of divorce is contempt, which is when one partner feels superior and disrespects the other.
🚗 The critical mindset of focusing on others' mistakes while driving can be detrimental to relationships, and the antidote is to focus on what's working and right instead.

00:00 🔮 Contempt is the best predictor of divorce, and the antidote is creating a culture of appreciation and understanding the mindset of a critic.

Contempt is the best predictor of divorce and also negatively affects immune functioning.
The antidote for contempt in a marriage is creating a culture of appreciation instead of criticism, understanding the mindset of a critic, and focusing on what's there rather than what's missing.

01:48 😔 People often avoid criticism, which is often a result of self-criticism.

02:17 🔍 People have a habit of being self-critical and doubting themselves.

02:26 😒 Infidelity is not the main predictor of divorce.

02:33 😔 Negative self-dialogue can lead to relationship problems and divorce.

02:42 🔮 George Carlin describes a routine.

02:46 🚗 Don't focus on people's mistakes, focus on what's working and right in relationships.

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