17 Ugly Psychology Truths No One Wants To Admit - Adam Lane Smith | Modern Wisdom 674

Timestamped Summary

• 00:00 💡 Having sex on the first date only bonds insecure men to women, women may mistake sex for deep feelings, people try to be interesting due to lack of confidence, performing a persona disconnects from genuine connection, there are two separate dating pools, and a courting period is necessary for establishing value and trust.
  • Having sex with a man on the first date only bonds him to a woman if he is insecure and seeks approval, as women experience a hormone release that leads to bonding while men do not, making casual sex difficult for women and leading to situationships.
  • Women may mistakenly believe that if a man sleeps with them, it means he has deep feelings for them, due to a failure in using their own theory of mind, which can be influenced by mirroring neurons and the lack of mirroring from their mothers during childhood.
  • People often try to be interesting and stimulating in dating because they have learned that they need to be in order to connect with others, but this can stem from a lack of confidence and insecurity around authenticity.
  • Performing a persona in interactions disconnects you from genuine connection, leading to people being attracted to the projection rather than the real person, which is why the pickup world failed for unconfident men as it taught them to be someone they weren't.
  • There are two separate dating pools, one consisting of secure individuals seeking genuine connections and the other consisting of insecure individuals seeking constant stimulation and validation, and their preferences and behaviors do not overlap.
  • A courting period is necessary for both men and women to establish value and trust, as if a woman gives in too easily, men assume she will do the same for anyone.
• 07:05 💡 People who obsess over politics are likely compensating for feeling powerless in their personal lives, but it's important to take personal responsibility and have difficult conversations to improve one's life and relationships, as avoiding them can lead to chronic pain and mental health issues.
  • People who obsess over politics are likely compensating for feeling powerless in their personal lives and use it as a way to avoid addressing their own issues.
  • Blaming external factors for personal problems is a form of victim mentality, and while it's important to be aware of and address these issues, using them as an excuse to avoid taking action is counterproductive.
  • People often seek external solutions and rely on others to save them, rather than taking personal responsibility and having uncomfortable conversations that could actually improve their lives.
  • Doing the work and having difficult conversations is essential for personal growth and fixing one's life, but many people avoid it due to fear of rejection and abandonment rooted in childhood experiences.
  • Opening up and asking for help can be incredibly difficult due to the fear of emotional or social pain, but by clearly defining the desired outcome and approaching the conversation with a solution-focused mindset, it becomes easier to build secure attachments and improve relationships.
  • Avoiding difficult conversations and relying on pills can lead to deficiencies in oxytocin and Gaba, resulting in chronic pain, sleep issues, and increased anxiety and depression symptoms, but having those conversations can decrease pain and improve satisfaction in life.
• 17:41 💔 Our sense of worth and joy comes from relationships, but modern society has destroyed these connections, leading to a lack of meaningful connections and the ability to positively impact others, while prioritizing money over family and causing misery in the dating scene.
  • Our sense of worth and joy comes from relationships, but modern society has systematically destroyed these connections that were once provided by family, extended family, friends, neighborhood, and religious communities.
  • The importance of relationships in finding purpose and joy in life is often overlooked because many people lack the experience of meaningful connections and the ability to positively impact others.
  • Creating a meaningful human impact and changing the culture through a podcast is valuable, but it only holds meaning if people actually listen and are affected by it.
  • By the time your child is 12, you've already spent 75% of the time you'll spend with them, and by 18, you've spent 90%, which is a modern concept as humans are not meant to function this way, as historically people didn't move more than 15 miles from their birthplace, whereas now it's common for families to scatter and live far apart.
  • A 57-year-old mother, surrounded by her family, received a job offer for $10,000 more a year and without hesitation, they all moved 12 hours away, highlighting the prioritization of money over family in modern life.
  • Most men believe that women enjoy the dating scene, but in reality, many women are miserable and find hookup culture to be unfulfilling and terrible.
• 25:45 🔍 Many women settle for less in dating, facing challenges of abundance for women and scarcity for men, while both desire committed relationships; men's disbelief in honest monogamy leads to increased anger, fear, and suicide rates, and men often dismiss relationship problems until it's too late.
  • Many women in the dating pool settle for the best option available, similar to people who eat McDonald's thinking chicken nuggets are healthy, but this perception is far from the truth.
  • The speaker highlights the animosity between men and women in modern dating, discussing the catastrophic messages women receive on dating apps, the challenges of abundance for women and scarcity for men, and the uncomfortable environment created for women due to physical vulnerability and societal pressures.
  • Both men and women desire committed monogamous relationships with loyal and kind partners.
  • People often say they want an honest and stable partner, but when it comes to actually discussing commitment on a first date, both men and women tend to shy away from the topic.
  • Most young men in America no longer believe in the possibility of an honest monogamous relationship with a loyal woman, leading to increased anger, fear, and suicide rates among men.
  • Men often dismiss signs of relationship problems until it's too late, leading to women staying with unworthy partners and begging for advice on how to fix their relationships, while men claim to be blindsided by the breakup.
• 32:47 🔑 Men need to understand emotional intimacy and vulnerability in relationships to prevent issues in couples therapy, while women often have an unfair advantage in therapy sessions and biased treatment in cases of domestic abuse.
  • Constant euphoria is desired in relationships, but true love doesn't exist, and men need to take relationships seriously by understanding emotional intimacy and vulnerability to prevent issues in couples therapy.
  • Men often struggle to articulate their emotions and communicate effectively in therapy, while women tend to have better PR and communication skills, leading to an unfair advantage in therapy sessions, and sometimes even resulting in biased treatment by authorities in cases of domestic abuse.
  • Couples often use therapy as a means to vent and avoid direct communication with their partner, and the majority of couples entering therapy have either the mindset of wanting to prove themselves right and change their partner or have already given up and just want confirmation that it won't work, with only a small percentage actually seeking to improve their relationship; additionally, research shows that daycare, especially in large amounts and at a young age, can negatively impact a child's mental health outcomes later in life, with outcomes such as more anxiety, symptoms,
  • Daycare can be brutal for young children as they lack engagement and mirroring, and in the US there is no mandatory maternity leave, minimal paternity leave, and mothers face pressure to return to work quickly due to financial constraints and expensive daycare costs.
  • Most men don't understand that women often just want validation and emotional support when they share their problems, rather than immediate solutions, which can lead to a disconnect in communication and bonding between partners.
  • Men prefer women with a low number of previous partners due to biological reasons.
• 53:01 🔑 Jealousy and insecurity about a partner's sexual past can be addressed through open conversations, men should ask about threesomes, emotional intimacy is important for female orgasms, respect is crucial for men, families are resorting to stealing meat due to food scarcity.
  • Jealousy and insecurity about a partner's sexual past can be addressed by having open and honest conversations about desires, feelings, and the emotional fulfillment experienced in previous experiences.
  • Most men are afraid to ask their partners about their experiences with threesomes, but it's important to have an open conversation to understand their desires and whether it's something they want to pursue again.
  • Emotional intimacy and the release of oxytocin are key factors in female orgasms, and building a strong emotional connection with a partner can lead to fulfilling sexual experiences for women.
  • Respect is often more important to men than love, as it signifies power and status, while women typically view respect as part of love and may friendzone men who they love but do not respect.
  • Women should learn to express respect to their partners, as it holds more value than love, and men need to embrace their power in order to thrive in the modern world.
  • Families are resorting to stealing meat in order to feed their children due to the increasing cost of groceries and food scarcity, with some families having to choose which day of the week they can afford to provide meat for their kids.
• 01:02:50 🔑 Fatherhood and masculinity are often misunderstood and misrepresented, leading to fear and mistrust between men and women; individuals who claim to support certain ideals can be the worst perpetrators of those ideals, causing radicalization and mistrust; there is a struggle for liberal women to find compatible partners, leading to intersexual competition and insecurity; traditional gender roles can work if both parties are happy, and refusing to let children see the other parent due to hurt feelings is selfish; parents who resent their children may project their frustrations onto them, so it is important to prioritize and sacrifice appropriately; hiring a personal trainer can improve fitness and promote a healthy lifestyle.
  • Fatherhood is about providing, protecting, and caring, and respect is crucial for these actions; toxic masculinity is not an excess of masculinity but a lack of it, and the mainstream media's portrayal of an acceptable version of masculinity often resembles stereotypical femininity, which does not make anyone feel safe; there is a fear and mistrust between men and women, with men unable to be masculine and women having to be masculine to protect themselves; many people are afraid of men having power due to the association with abuse and tyranny.
  • Celebrities and individuals who claim to support certain ideals often turn out to be the worst perpetrators of those ideals, leading to radicalization and mistrust.
  • Liberal women are frustrated because they struggle to find a man they're attracted to who isn't conservative, and there is a trend of men pretending to be liberal to attract women, leading to a display of intersexual competition and insecurity.
  • People will do anything for sex, traditional gender roles can work if both parties are happy, and refusing to let your kids see the other parent because of hurt feelings is selfish and teaches them to do the same.
  • Parents who resent their children for hindering their productivity and personal fulfillment will likely project their frustrations onto their children during times of stress, so it is important to prioritize and sacrifice appropriately.
  • I hired a personal trainer to improve my fitness so that I can be healthy and be with my family for many years.
• 01:16:30 🔑 Anxious attachment styles lead to guys who expect rewards and become angry when their expectations aren't met, resulting in them finishing last and appearing as jerks, while men who are too pliable are viewed skeptically for not upholding the trade of resources for chastity and commitment.
  • Anxious attachment styles lead to guys who try to earn approval and avoid abandonment, but this approach ultimately backfires as they expect rewards and become angry when their expectations aren't met, resulting in them finishing last and appearing as jerks.
  • A man who is too pliable is seen as equivalent to a woman who gives up sex too easily, as both are viewed skeptically for not upholding the trade of resources for chastity and commitment.
  • Men and women have a mutual distaste for OnlyFans creators because they perceive them as taking advantage of men's willingness to provide resources and women's competition for attention, leading to a devaluation of both sex and resources.
  • Men's instinctual drive to protect and provide for their families is why simping (being overly submissive or accommodating) is ineffective, as historical examples like Vikings show that women desire men who are willing to sacrifice and protect them.
  • A historical example is given of a man who sent his own wife and children to their deaths during the Holocaust, highlighting the importance of women respecting men who prioritize their morals and safety over seeking approval.
  • Adam Lane Smith has various resources available on his website, including a video course, books, coaching, and a community, and he can also be found on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube.

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