The Biggest Issue with Dating Apps: Unrealistic Expectations | Couples Therapist

Dating, Lori Gottlieb, Relationships -

The Biggest Issue with Dating Apps: Unrealistic Expectations | Couples Therapist

The expectation of instant chemistry and unrealistic criteria on dating apps may prevent people from giving potential connections a chance to develop, leading to dissatisfaction in dating 

Questions to inspire discussion 

  • Why are people so picky on dating apps?

    People focus on superficial details rather than potential connections, leading to dissatisfaction in dating.

  • What should you do if you had a good time on the first date?

    Go on a second date, regardless of high expectations, to give potential chemistry a chance to develop.

  • How do dating apps create the illusion of endless options?

    Dating apps lead people to juggle multiple dates, preventing them from truly getting to know anyone.

  • Why do people have unrealistic criteria for a partner?

    Unrealistic criteria lead to anxiety and difficulty making choices on dating apps, preventing satisfaction in relationships.

  • What can therapy help individuals recognize and break?

    Therapy can help individuals recognize and break patterns of seeking out partners who replicate negative childhood experiences.

 

Key Insights

  • 🦋 The expectation of instant chemistry on dating apps may prevent people from giving potential connections a chance to develop.
  • 💔 People often use the first date as a make-or-break moment, but many happy couples didn't feel sparks right away and took time to develop their connection.
  • 🚺 The confusion between feminism and dating expectations creates challenges for women in the dating app world.
  • 😬 The criteria people set for their potential partners are not really human, leading to unrealistic expectations and dissatisfaction in dating.
  • 👫 Men tend to have high standards, but are more holistic in their approach to dating, focusing on who they enjoy being with rather than just physical appearance.
  • 💔 Seeking out partners who replicate childhood experiences is a common pattern in dating, driven by our subconscious radar for familiar love.

 

#Relationships #LoriGottlieb #Dating

 

Clips 

  • 00:00 🔍 People are too picky on dating apps, focusing on superficial details rather than the potential for a real connection.
    • People are too picky on dating apps, focusing on superficial details rather than the potential for a real connection.
    • The speaker discusses the reluctance to give potential partners a chance to develop chemistry, even after having a good time and finding them attractive.
  • 01:57 🔍 People in happy relationships often have a revisionist history about their first date, claiming they felt immediate chemistry, leading to misinterpretation of feelings and not giving each other a chance to get to know each other.
    • Longitudinal study found that people in happy relationships had a revisionist history about their first date, claiming they felt immediate chemistry.
    • People often misinterpret their feelings on the first date and don't give each other a chance to get to know each other.
  • 03:29 🔍 Dating apps create the illusion of endless options, leading to juggling multiple dates and preventing genuine connections.
    • Dating apps create the illusion of endless options, leading people to juggle multiple dates and preventing them from truly getting to know anyone.
    • Go on a second date if you had a good time, regardless of high expectations.
  • 05:04 🔑 Expectations on dating apps are influenced by unrealistic standards of physical appearance and confusion around feminism.
    • 06:07 🔍 People's unrealistic partner criteria cause anxiety and difficulty on dating apps, with too many choices leading to less satisfaction and maximizers constantly seeking something better.
      • People have unrealistic criteria for a partner, leading to anxiety and difficulty making choices on dating apps.
      • Having too many choices on dating apps can lead to less satisfaction with the chosen option, compared to having fewer options.
      • The speaker discusses the difference between satisficers and maximizers in decision-making, and how maximizers are less happy with their choices because they are always looking for something better.
    • 08:29 🔍 Maximizers are unhappy with dating apps because they have high standards and are always wondering if they're missing out, while satisficers are more content with their choices.
      • 09:50 🔑 Don't judge someone based on one small action, give them a chance to show their true self.
        • 10:52 🔍 People seek partners who replicate their childhood experiences, often dating partners with traits similar to their parents, and therapy can help break this pattern.
          • People often seek out partners who replicate their childhood experiences, even if they were negative, because that is their only experience of love.
          • Unconsciously, people often end up dating partners who exhibit similar traits to their parents, and therapy can help individuals recognize and break this pattern.
          • Struggling to meet and maintain relationships, and the importance of subscribing to the channel for support.

         

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