Dating Like a Pro: Navigating Emotional Intelligence and Relationships
Understanding oneself, being vulnerable, and developing emotional intelligence are crucial for building meaningful relationships and navigating the complexities of the sexual marketplace
Questions to inspire discussion
Why are relationships declining?
βThe rise of dating apps has led to a decline in relationships, and men are struggling to adapt, leading to a crisis in masculinity. The world is experiencing a relationship crisis, with declining marriage rates, fewer casual sexual relationships, and lower reproductive rates.
What makes a man attractive?
βTo be attractive, men should focus on presenting themselves well, such as dressing better and taking care of their physical fitness, rather than just being kind and generous. Attraction is a prerequisite for women to appreciate these qualities.
How can men improve their dating lives?
βMen can improve their dating lives by developing a unique identity, such as a talent or skill, rather than relying on money or power. They should also focus on improving their "surface marketing" by learning what works through trial and error.
What is the key to successful relationships?
βSuccessful relationships are based on selection, requiring accurate self-knowledge and discernment of others. 90% of successful relationships rely on complementary skill sets, and relationships are transactions where both parties exchange values.
How can men communicate effectively with women?
βMen need to understand that feminine communication is about emotional resonance, not just conveying information. They should learn to invest their words with emotional content to create a shared, intimate connection with women.
Key Insights
Understanding Human Behavior and Psychology
π€ You only really get to discover Who You Are by examining and understanding your revealed preferences based on your behavior as you move through the world.
π A lot of the strategies that work in business to get what you want from the people that you want it from will work in the sexual Marketplace as well.
π Vulnerability means sharing your present moment emotional experience, making it easier for others to see and understand you.
π‘ Sometimes our emotions only arise out of our behavior, people sometimes think we have an emotion and we act, sometimes we act and then we have an emotion.
π You can't buy or earn love, it's a gift that is given at the spontaneous pleasure of the giver, with no strings attached.
π€ "Generally, when people are ashamed, they just hide better, which doesn't make the problem go away, it kind of makes it more intractable."
π The antidote to using pornography is often the antithesis of the reasons why men use it, such as loneliness and boredom, which can be replaced with connection and something to do.
π The less conventionally attractive you are, the more you have to learn seduction and game to overcome liabilities associated with being less attractive.
π« Being kind and generous and making women feel safe is not going to lead them to feeling attracted to you, that's the part that women leave out when men ask them what they want in a partner.
π‘ The most vulnerable organ in a woman to seduction is her mind, and if you can learn to talk to a woman in a way that she will listen and respond, you'll be able to do all kinds of things and have all kinds of relationships.
π« Most men blow the first date by talking too much and trying to prove their value to women, which disabuses the woman of the fantasy she had of the man.
π¬ One of the best pickup lines is to be honest and vulnerable, like saying "I'm actually trying to get over my approach anxiety, how am I doing?"
πββοΈ The strategy to attract a "10" is to pay attention to everybody else and then give them a slight negation, evoking their interest and curiosity.
Strategies for Attraction and Relationships
π‘ Most people's lives are not awesome, so why move in the direction that most people are moving, it could be a reliable indicator that there's something of interest in a different direction.
π "One person who puts their own life in order can benefit millions of people through the internet and social media, it's an opportunity that has never existed on the face of this planet and they can do it from the privacy of their own living rooms."
π Forgiveness is an emotional survival strategy, a relinquishing of hatred and resentment and anger, that doesn't technically involve another person, but rather a way to save one's own heart.
π‘ You can clean up your life, heart, soul, and environment, and then help millions of others, which is a unique opportunity presented to us in 2024 with the power of the internet.
Societal Trends and Technological Impacts
π 85% of cultures on this planet have been polygamous and when women are empowered to make their own sexual decisions, they target the top 10% of men.
π€ With the advent of virtual reality, robotics, and artificial intelligence, men may soon face a significant trap where they can't tell the difference between an actual sexual encounter and a simulated one, leading to a "Blade Runner" situation with holographic girlfriends.
#Relationships #Dating #Psychology
XMentions: @OrionTaraban
Clips
00:00 π Dating apps have led to a decline in relationships, a crisis in masculinity, and a rise in "performative masculinity" as individuals struggle to navigate the modern dating landscape.
Dating apps have led to a decline in relationships, and to succeed, individuals must "date like it's their job," presenting themselves as attractive and learning the art of seduction.
The world is experiencing a relationship crisis, with declining marriage rates, fewer casual sexual relationships, and lower reproductive rates, leading to potential population collapse and making dating and mating more confusing for individuals.
Dating apps have led to a 250% increase in online-initiated relationships, but also a decline in overall relationships, and men are struggling to adapt, leading to a crisis in masculinity.
Dating apps have made it harder to gauge interest and compatibility, leading to a rise in "performative masculinity" as a solution for men navigating the modern dating landscape.
Men, especially young men, struggle with invisibility and lack of relationship opportunities due to their perceived lack of value, skills, and resources, making it difficult for them to be noticed and desired by women.
Young men are often considered disposable and lack the skills and experience to be attractive to women or valuable to other men, creating a Catch-22 where they struggle to gain experience.
15:38 π‘ To succeed in dating, apply business strategies like negotiation and self-improvement, and focus on developing complementary skills and self-knowledge to increase attractiveness and find meaningful relationships.
People need to feel connected and valued through real-life experiences and interactions, rather than just being told they are needed, to discover their purpose and identity.
Dating apps and societal changes have made it challenging for women to find men for long-term relationships, while men often struggle with issues related to money or women.
Strategies that work in business, such as negotiation, sales, and persuasion, can also be effective in the dating world, particularly for men, as both involve getting what you want from others who are not simply giving it away.
Successful relationships are based on selection, requiring accurate self-knowledge and discernment of others, with 90% of successful relationships relying on complementary skill sets.
Men's dating struggles often stem from a lack of male therapists and a preference for action-oriented solutions, requiring a tailored approach to address specific issues in the "dating funnel".
To increase your chances of being attractive and successful in dating, focus on improving your "surface marketing" by learning what works through trial and error, and developing skills to direct attention to your purposes, regardless of your physical attractiveness.
33:35 π To succeed in dating, men should focus on self-improvement, emotional communication, and developing a unique identity, while understanding that attraction and retention are different challenges, and that dating apps have disrupted the traditional sexual marketplace.
To be more attractive and successful in dating, men should focus on presenting themselves well, such as dressing better and taking care of their physical fitness, rather than just being kind and generous, as attraction is a prerequisite for women to appreciate these qualities.
To effectively communicate with women, men need to understand that feminine communication is about emotional resonance, not just conveying information, and learn to invest their words with emotional content to create a shared, intimate connection.
To increase the probability of attracting someone, focus on developing a unique identity, such as a talent or skill, rather than relying on money or power, as fame and renown can work at various levels and make you stand out.
Attracting someone is a different problem from keeping them, and the solution for one doesn't apply to the other, as attraction is often based on fantasy and filling in gaps with what we want to see.
A relationship doesn't truly begin until the "crisis of disappointment" is passed, where the fantasy of the partner shatters, and the reality of who they are is revealed, allowing for a more authentic connection.
Dating apps have created a disregulated sexual marketplace where the top 10% of men have most of the sex, leaving many women competing for a small pool of desirable partners and making monogamous relationships less likely.
51:37 π Relationships are transactions where partners exchange values, but unrealistic expectations, lack of mystery, and unclear boundaries can lead to their downfall.
People don't invest time, energy, or attention in others unless they want something in return, making relationships an exchange of value.
We expect our partner to be all things, providing multiple values like sex, security, excitement, emotional support, and child rearing, which is unrealistic and a major reason why relationships tend to fail.
Maintaining a long-term relationship requires balancing stability and security with novelty and spontaneity to keep the spark alive.
Constant availability and lack of mystery due to technology can kill relationships by making partners feel like entirely known entities, eliminating curiosity and interest.
Monogamy is not a natural human behavior, and its strict definition and boundaries need to be explicitly discussed and agreed upon by individuals, as it can be influenced by societal and utilitarian factors.
Relationships are transactions where both parties exchange values, with women's value often being more explicit and tied to physical attractiveness, while men's value is harder to determine.
01:03:38 π‘ To improve dating success, men should approach women with respect, use polite requests, and adopt effective negotiation strategies, while avoiding common mistakes like overcompensating and hesitating.
Women are often unable to be alone in public without being approached or sexualized, making it uncomfortable and annoying to constantly reject unwanted attention.
Men should approach women with respect and caution, avoiding surprise or invasion of personal space, to minimize rejection and potential backlash in the post-MeToo era.
The fundamental game of human relationships is the "game of please no", where the default answer to requests is "no" due to the inherent asymmetry between wanting and giving, and relationships are formed through transactions of unequal goods of comparable value.
Using polite requests, such as saying "please", can be an effective way to get what you want, as it leverages emotion and non-verbal communication to build rapport and increase the likelihood of a positive response.
Effective negotiation strategies, such as those used in business and social interactions, work by stimulating emotions and can be applied to dating, where listening carefully to others' responses can reveal clues on how to build a connection.
Men's biggest mistakes in dating are overcompensating for nervousness, hesitating too long, and not being present in the moment, which can be improved by adopting a sales-like approach of making tentative bids, listening to responses, and being flexibly adaptive.
01:17:21 π To form connections and spark attraction, be vulnerable, confident, and subtle in your approach, and use indirect initiation and non-verbal cues like eye contact.
Sharing your present moment emotional experience, or vulnerability, can help women understand and connect with you, making it easier to form a connection.
Men who are confident and don't overcompensate for their nervousness, instead showing subtle disinterest, can evoke interest and curiosity in high-value women.
Asking others to do small favors for you can increase their interest and attraction by leveraging a cognitive hack that makes them think they must like you because they're going out of their way for you.
Women should not directly approach men like men often do, but instead, use indirect initiation with plausible deniability, as historically, women have been the initiators in dating.
Women can use eye contact to initiate conversations with men they're interested in, as it's an intimate and powerful tool that can be used to "call" someone over, but they must be willing to take the initiative.
Love, loyalty, and friendship are non-transactable goods that cannot be bought or earned, but are instead given freely and without expectation of reciprocation.
01:30:04 π Dating apps and excessive pornography consumption are changing the dynamics of mating and dating, requiring a strategic approach to find a successful relationship.
The widespread use of dating apps and pornography is changing the dynamics of mating and dating, making it easier for people to get what they want more easily, safely, and cheaply, but potentially leading to negative consequences for individuals and relationships.
Excessive pornography consumption can lead to a diminished libido, causing men to lose motivation and energy for pro-social activities, ultimately hindering their productivity and personal growth.
To change behavior, such as quitting an addiction, insight into the underlying reasons is not enough, and one must take concrete actions to replace the problematic behavior with alternative solutions that address the underlying needs.
To find a successful relationship, approach dating like a job, requiring effort, strategy, and persistence, as it's a numbers game where most attempts will lead to "evolutionary or relationship dead ends".
Dating apps and technology are changing the dating landscape, making it harder for people to settle for less-than-perfect relationships and creating unrealistic expectations, while also increasing competition and rejection.
To succeed in any situation, one must be flexible, spot opportunities, and avoid following the majority, while leveraging tools like Shopify and Fiverr to access talent and skills efficiently.
01:55:35 π‘ To have a successful and satisfying relationship, clarify your needs, prioritize them, and be willing to give value to your partner, just like in professional relationships.
To be a man, one needs to have a spine, which represents the willingness to stand up for something and take action, and a pair of balls, which represents the willingness to deal with the consequences of standing up and facing resistance.
To increase chances of a successful relationship, clarify your selection criteria, prioritize your needs, and be cautious of compromise, as it can create a sense of obligation and debt.
To have a satisfying relationship, understand what people want and need from each other and cultivate those qualities to give to others, just like in professional relationships where value is exchanged.
To have a satisfying relationship, meet your partner's needs and wants, and be prepared to give more if you want more, as the core of relationships is getting your needs met from another person.
Overcoming the fear of offering forgiveness, even if it's not reciprocated, is an emotional survival strategy that can help rid the heart of anger and resentment, allowing for personal growth and improved relationships.
Dr. Orion is helping millions of people through his book and YouTube channel by sharing a unique perspective on relationships and love, blending science, facts, and personal experience.
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Duration: 2:22:29
Publication Date: 2024-08-30T12:10:47Z
WatchUrl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM9rgDBX9u0
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